If something were to happen to you, what would you want your partner to do?

What I mean by that is, let's say something accidentally happened. You got into a car crash and passed away, or you got hit and turned mentally-ill, etc. Would you want your wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend to move on with their life instead of worrying about you? Because there are some people out there who can't just 'let things go'. How would you feel if they got into a relationship with another person? Would you want them to be happy that way? Etc.



As for me, I find it really difficult to answer my own questions ^. I haven't come up with a direct answer yet, but if something were to happen, I'd like her to do whatever that makes her happy in life. Because I feel that clinging to something that's passed-away is pretty hopeless. However, if she was to pass away, I wouldn't know what I would do.. So, what would you guys think? What would you want your partner to do if something were to happen to yourself?

With whoever I end up with in the future and if something were to happen to me, I would want them to go out and be happy. I've been cared and pampered for 14 years old, probably 4 or 5 more, and I don't want to be taken care of or really cared for by anyone if I do pass away. I kinda just want to be forgotten.

As long as they remembered me in some way, shape, or form, I could care less. Even if they don't really, it's their life. They should live it.

I would want them to move on with there life, but its nice to be remembered.

Well, I love my GF, and I know she is already pained with the memory of her dead father, and I wouldnt want to add onto that already painfull baggage. Just slap a grave over my corpse, and I wouldn't want anyone to suffer on my account.

If it were something like paralysis or becoming mentally ill... If its paralysis, I would probobly try to break up with her so she wouldnt have to deal with me for the rest of her life. If it were me being mentally ill, I doubt I would be in any condition to decide, really. I would assume my parents would take direct care of me, and she would do as she wishes =/

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I'll admit this: when it comes to a relationship, I'm a greedy person.

It'll probably take me a while to understand that I can't provide anything for him, but for just a little bit of his time, I'd like him to at least reflect back on what we've been through and done. I don't want him moping over me for the rest of his life, or for too long in fact, but a small amount of time, be it a month or two, to at least remember me. Then after that I'd be more than happy to see him move on in life and find another relationship with another person.

If it was a mental illness or something of the sort, then I'd break up with him because there's no point in seeing me suffer. And we all know that we don't want our loved ones to shed a tear and watch them suffer.

And we all know that even if we move on in our lives and build up relationships with new people and stuff, there's still some moments in their lifetime that they will recall certain people. Even if it's just for a brief second or minute, it's nice to know that you're remembered.

If it was a mental illness or something of the sort, then I'd break up with him because there's no point in seeing me suffer. And we all know that we don't want our loved ones to shed a tear and watch them suffer.

(Not in reply specifically to your post.)

Death aside - if we get an acquired disability (mental, physical, emotional, etc.) we're all saying how selfless we would be. Do we actually know what a disability is like? (+ I'm not sure about you guys, but I thought partners were supposed to love each other. There doesn't seem to be a point in happy fluffy love unless it also survives through the sad times. Actually if it's only happy-time love then why is it anything other than selfish? My $0.02.)

Disability. How will you survive? Think: you have a mental-emotional/physical illness enough to be "suffering" such as depression, hemiparalysis etc. That probably precludes you from work. Also from properly connecting with your friends. And means you feel isolated and lost. Maybe you feel you've lost meaning in your life. You are not going to be looking after yourself as well as you could.

(Even less if, amidst all your personal crisis and breakdown, you went and said to your partner "oh I'll break up with you so you don't have to suffer watching me." No one would do that, and no partner would agree to do it unless ^ as above they did not actually love them.)

What would you do, go back to your parents so they could look after you? Drop the partner in favour of a government disability handout? Government assistance doesn't even come close to a partner you love and who loves you.

All this selflessness from previous posters is very noble but I have grave doubts whether they'd actually do it!

@ <3Ji : I agree with you to some extent. I wouldn't know how mental disability or having a fatal disease would be like. And as I mentioned before, I'm a greedy person (Not sure if you can classify it as greed.). After all, who wouldn't want support from someone they love and trust to be by their sides till the final moments of their own life?

But I can believe in some of the selflessness that the previous posters have displayed. When I saw my mother going through emotional distress, I could not hold back the tears I saw from her even though we've never really had a deep emotional connection. And now we're talking about someone who you really put trust and love into. If they were to witness up to our final moments, it would be a scar remaining with them for the rest of their life. And it they have truly felt for us, then they would also remember us, but at least we've spared them from witnessing our deaths or descent.

Nothing beats care from a loved one, but I wouldn't dare to burden them. It's a controversial topic since none of us (hopefully) are in that situation. There's also no exact right or wrong either.

Well, if I died tomorrow in an accident, I would want my fiance to get past the grief and live a happy life without me. Yes, I know it sounds cheesy. Of course, I would hope that I hold a special place in his heart that nobody could ever replace, but at the same time I'd hope that he would find someone else in the world who could love him as much as I do. It would be incredibly selfish and unrealistic for me to hope that he would remain single and think only of me for the rest of his life. Of course, it hurts to even think of him with anybody else, but if he were to find someone else who truly made him happy, it would be worth it.

If I were to become mentally or physically disabled though... I'd say it really, really depends on the nature of the disability. Am I still aware of my surroundings? Am I still able to communicate with others? Do I remember who I am? Or am I essentially a vegetable on a respirator? (Though I've already told my fiance to pull the plug if something like that were to happen... I will not be a financial drain to my family if I sustain major brain damage and cannot function apart from a respirator. But that is another topic entirely.)

In any situation, of course, I would be lying if I said that I would want my fiance to leave me, or that I would want to leave my fiance. I don't want either of those things. What I would want is for my fiance to choose whatever would make him happy... and hope that he chooses me. The last thing I want though, is for him to feel obligated to stay with me, out of guilt, or out of a sense of "duty," or anything like that. I would rather have him leave me and be happy than be "stuck" with me and feel miserable.

When I turn the question around and ask myself, "what would I do if something like that ever happened to him?" the answer just seems so clear that I hope he would think the same.

I highly doubt this situation would ever arise in my life, as I don't plan to get married, but if it did happen, I'd tell them to go. I'd probably a burden on them if I was healthy, forget after accidents. If I died, the only people to care would probably be anyone I was in a relationship with, or if my parents were still alive. I'd rather they didn't waste their life mourning me.

However, if this happened to anyone I was with, I'd probably spiral into neverending depression. >__>

(Not in reply specifically to your post.)

Death aside - if we get an acquired disability (mental, physical, emotional, etc.) we're all saying how selfless we would be. Do we actually know what a disability is like? (+ I'm not sure about you guys, but I thought partners were supposed to love each other. There doesn't seem to be a point in happy fluffy love unless it also survives through the sad times. Actually if it's only happy-time love then why is it anything other than selfish? My $0.02.)

Disability. How will you survive? Think: you have a mental-emotional/physical illness enough to be "suffering" such as depression, hemiparalysis etc. That probably precludes you from work. Also from properly connecting with your friends. And means you feel isolated and lost. Maybe you feel you've lost meaning in your life. You are not going to be looking after yourself as well as you could.

(Even less if, amidst all your personal crisis and breakdown, you went and said to your partner "oh I'll break up with you so you don't have to suffer watching me." No one would do that, and no partner would agree to do it unless ^ as above they did not actually love them.)

What would you do, go back to your parents so they could look after you? Drop the partner in favour of a government disability handout? Government assistance doesn't even come close to a partner you love and who loves you.

All this selflessness from previous posters is very noble but I have grave doubts whether they'd actually do it!

Ehh x.X Longish ramble about disability:

 Spoiler

Speaking as someone with a disability (can't drive, can't really go anywhere by myself, can barely see my hand in front of my face half the time >_>), it can put a strain on a relationship. From my own experience, even if your partner does love you, something like that will have an affect on your relationship. Things don't happen in real life the way they do in movies or on TV. Most people are not as selfless as they would like others to believe, and sometimes they just can't get over hang-ups about disabled people (it is true, whether we like it or not. Some people view people with disabilities as freaks/monsters).

My first relationship lasted 3 years, and during that time I think I drove him insane Though I know he did grow to love me, I cna't say for sure how long that lasted with the way I am. My eyesight is extremely poor (I don't have any depth perception. Also have moderate Photophobia. Can't see if the sun is low on a clear day, cloudy days where the sky is white KILL my eyes etc >_>). I would always walk into things, or ask him to help me with thing (small things like crossing the steet, reading small text on things etc). At first he was totally fine with it... Actually he was really sweet about it. But as time went on I found he got frustrated more easily and became less willing to help. I guess because he became 'used' to it, he would undermine problems I had, too. When we broke up, one of his reasons was that he felt more like a parent than a boyfriend.

 Spoiler

Though I find it amusing when people who are used to my problems, and forget about it almost, snap at me if I knock something over and say "Are you blind?" They get awkward and do a kind of double-take. It's so funny >.>

Anyways, I think that love can only go so far. It you have a hang-up about a certain disability, and the person you love becomes afflicted with that disability, naturally you are going to have a problem.

I would like to give the generic girl answer and say that if the person I loved ever became blind, I would stick with them, but I honestly don't know how I would feel, or how I would cope. I'm not saying I would leave them, but I can barely take care of myself. The phraise "the blind leading the blind" comes to mind . >.< I would hope that under those kinds of circumstances I would be able to hang in there though. I mean if you really do love the person, you would do it anyway right? I doubt you would evne put thought into it.

(the funny thing is, if it were any other type of disability, I would have no problem with it.....just...eyesight would get to me a little. But I hope if I ever came faced witht hat, that I could step up.)

Disability aside, if we are just talking death, I would want them to move on and be happy. I can't imagine anyone wanting their loved one to mourn and suffer for the rest of their life. X.X It would be better to be forgotten.

i would let she decide what is better for her life, and would be happy with her choise

On death- I know that my boyfriends EXPECTS for me to stay single and be in love with him for the rest of my life (XD), and I'm fine with that, since he's amazing and I'm perfectly content when I'm alone. If I die, I would like for him to remember me and love me forever and ever, and hopefully the most/in a unique way. I'd want for things that remind him of me to make him stop and smile (and tear up, on occasion), even when he's found somebody else to take care of him. And I do want for somebody else to take care of him. I don't ever want him to be lonely.

As for a disability. I'm SURE that he wouldn't ever leave me if I was disabled, and that always comforts me, but there are certain disabilities that I'd probably rather he move on from me with. I'd want for the relationship to stay worthwhile and happy to him, instead of being a weight on his life. And if he were disabled... I would hope that he feels the same. He'd always be that special guy to me and I doubt any other man would compare. X3 But I don't want for our relationship to grow sour to either of us.

This is certainly food for thought!

If something were to happen to me, a few things would happen. My oldest son would go to live with his father, who I'm sure would be sad that I am gone, as we are still friends. My younger son, (and any subsequent children my fiance and I may choose to have) would stay with my fiance. If I were either dead, or had sustained enough brain injury that there is no higher brain function, I would expect my fiance to do what he needs to do to be happy. It's not easy to raise children by yourself, and I can't say that I would want him to stay single the rest of his life. Our son will be a constant reminder of my memory, and that will be sufficient.

If I were to become disabled, what actions were taken would depend on the severity of the disability. Am I confined to a wheelchair? There are more than enough ways to continue a normal life with a wheelchair. Am I bedridden? More difficult to handle, but if my mind is still with me, I'm sure we could work around it. But if I were to lose my mental faculties, and essentially not be the "same" person I once was, I would expect my fiance to do what is in the best interest of all of us, just as I would in the same situation.

But what about a potentially temporary situation? What if you were in a coma, perhaps for a few months to a few years, but there is a good chance you will wake up. Would you want your partner to stick by you so long as there is real hope (and I don't mean Terry Schiavo fluff hope, I mean a real chance of waking, no bullpomegranate.) How would you feel if you were to wake up and your partner HAD moved on? Would you be angry? Or would you just accept that it was out of your control and subsequently try to move on with your own life?

I must admit I find this more difficult, particularly as I am deeply committed to my fiance, and we do have children together, so for better or worse, our lives are linked in that way regardless.

I'd want them to be happy, if it meant they stayed single or got someone the day after.

I've been taken care of for 18 years.

I don't want to put the responsibility of somebody caring for me if I were in a vegetative state. Although, it'd make one of those awesome HBO documentaries about a couple where one partner is disabled and how they are still well in love.

If I were to be in a coma, I'd want to go after 2 weeks. If I were to die, I'd want her to cash in those life insurance policies, pay for my cremation or garbage bag to toss my body in, pay off any debts of hers, and do whatever else she wants.

If she moves on, she moves on. If she doesn't, I'm fine with that too. It's not going to change the fact that I love my fiance.

This makes me think of the movie 'P.S I love you'; such a great movie ;-;

Anyways, if I died, I'd want him to move on eventually.
But-- if I was mentally ill; what happened to 'in sickness & in health'? :/
but I guess it depends on the condition I'm in.