Greg, I have a bone to pick with you

The prerequisite to understanding this letter is to have encountered some of Greg's conjectures and to have realized how scummy they are. I'm sure that everyone reading this is already familiar with Greg's libidinous magic-bullet explanations so I'll spare you the sordid details. Instead, I'll simply summarize with the comment that if Greg bites me I will definitely bite back. I'd like very much to respond to his claim that a book of his writings would be a good addition to the Bible. Unfortunately, taking into account Greg's background, education, and intelligence, I am quite sure that Greg would not be able to understand my response. Hence, let me say simply this: Greg has yet to acknowledge the preternatural wickedness of the blood flowing through his veins. That should serve as the final, ultimate, irrefutable proof that he complains a lot. What's ironic, though, is that he hasn't made even a single concrete suggestion for improvement or identified a single problem with the system as it exists today.

Clearly, I act based on what I think is right, not who I think is right. That's why I try always to feed the starving, house the homeless, cure the sick, and still find wonder and awe in the sunrise and the moonlight. It's also why I say that if his overweening-to-the-core warnings became more widespread, it would spell the ruination of this country. I'm merely suggesting that it's easy for armchair philosophers to theorize about Greg and about hypothetical solutions to our Greg problem. It's an entirely more difficult matter, however, when one considers that he obsesses not with what he can do for this country but with what he can extract from it. That's pretty transparent. What's not so transparent is the answer to the following question: Why does the media consistently refuse to acknowledge that he tends to forget what matters most? A clue might be that we should agree on definitions before saying anything further about his hateful publications. For starters, let's say that "Bulverism" is "that which makes Greg yearn to cast the world into nuclear holocaust."

Greg truly believes that he is as innocent as a newborn lamb. It is just such misinformed megalomania, vulgar egoism, and intellectual aberrancy that stirs Greg to make bribery legal and part of business as usual. Mind you, his lies come in many forms. Some of his lies are in the form of pleas. Others are in the form of hastily mounted campaigns. Still more are in the form of folksy posturing and pretended concern and compassion. Is there a chance that Greg isn't venom-spouting, primitive, and shallow? From what I've seen, I doubt it.

Call me a cynic, but this makes me fearful that I might someday find myself in the crosshairs of Greg's peremptory plaints. (To be honest, though, it wouldn't be the first time.) The fault, dear Greg, is not in your stars but in yourself. I do not find stances that are psychotic, scabrous, and thrasonical to be "funny". Maybe I lack a sense of humor but maybe the justification he gave for forcing me to become the target of prejudice, ridicule, discrimination, and physical violence was one of the most noisome justifications I've ever heard. It was so noisome, in fact, that I will not repeat it here. Even without hearing the details you can still see my point quite clearly: I am tired of hearing or reading that Greg should be a given a direct pipeline to the National Treasury. You know that that is simply not true.

Greg undoubtedly believes that all any child needs is a big dose of television every day. Unfortunately for him, that's all in his imagination. Greg needs to get out of that fictional world and get back to reality, where people can see that he appears to have found a new tool to use to help him subvert existing lines of power and information. That tool is prætorianism, and if you watch him wield it you'll sincerely see why he is guilty of at least one criminal offense. In addition, Greg frequently exhibits less formal criminal behavior such as deliberate and even gleeful cruelty, explosive behavior, and a burning desire to trample into the mud all that is fine and noble and beautiful. When I first encountered Greg's orations, all I could think of was, "Greg obscures the true meaning of his mind games with propaganda and fancy talk."

It has been said that it's really hard to take someone as semi-intelligible as Greg very seriously. I, in turn, think that Greg promises his understrappers that as soon as he's finished breaking down our communities, they'll all become rich beyond their wildest dreams. There's an obvious analogy here to the way that vultures eat a cadaver and from its rottenness insects and worms suck their food. The point is that Greg claims that the sky is falling. Predictably, he cites no hard data for that claim. This is because no such data exist.

In any case, there is something in the way of "natural law" that can be stated awkwardly as follows: "Greg's lickspittles are merely liars with charisma." Please do not quote me on that. Instead, work it into a better natural law and enunciate it in clearer and more concise terms. It is immaterial who is credited with the words; the objective is to open minds instead of closing them.

After all, I, for one, profess that there are in fact many people who possess the intelligence, wisdom, talent, and ability to carry out the famous French admonition, ecrasez l'infame!, against Greg's cock-and-bull stories. My goal is to locate those people and encourage them to help me halt the adulation heaped upon sniffish authoritarians. The purpose of this letter is far greater than to prove to you how rash and spineless Greg has become. The purpose of this letter is to get you to start thinking for yourself, to start thinking about how you might say, "Education is vitiated by his crotchets." Fine, I agree. But I have a plan to make this world a better place in which to live. I call this plan "Operation comment on Greg's editorials". (Granted, I need a shorter, catchier name, but that one will do for now.) My plan's underlying motif is that at no time in the past did belligerent pudibund-types shamble through the streets of cities, demanding rights they imagine some supernatural power has bestowed upon them.

Greg wants you to believe that black is white and night is day. You should be wary of such claims. Be aware! Be skeptical! Think! Do not be diverted, deceived, or mesmerized by Greg's coldhearted slogans.

I fully intend to tear down Greg's fortress of conformism. I will spare no labor in doing this and reckon no labor lost that brings me toward this mark. Even so, I despise everything about Greg. I despise Greg's attempts to treat people like duplicitous monomaniacs. I despise how he insists that children should get into cars with strangers who wave lots of yummy candy at them. Most of all, I despise his complete obliviousness to the fact that he has tried making my blood curdle. He has also tried plaguing our minds. Why does Greg do such things? I've never really gotten a clear and honest answer to that question from Greg. But what is clear is that the crux of the issue is that this is no time to be self-serving and no time to be pertinacious. I always catch hell whenever I say something like that so let me assure you that he is squarely in favor of Stalinism and its propensity to implement a fatuitous parody of justice called "Greg-ism". This is so typical of him: he condemns bigotry and injustice except when it benefits him personally. To recap the main points made in this letter: 1) I really reject Greg's demands, 2) Greg has let his stingy feelings obscure reality, and 3) Greg's feigned sanctity and godliness serve to disengage the critical reasoning faculties of his critics, leading them to accept Greg's story that solecism is a viable and vital objective for our nation's educational institutions.

tl:dr; Greg, gtho.

"Greg, I have a pickling with you"

Just discovered Ctrl+V?

Normally I read these things, chuckle, and lurk away to another thread, but by the second paragraph, my brain was too full of "what the hell" to read any farther.

My original goal for this letter was to scrutinize Je_Suis_une_Pizza's remarks point by incoherent point. Unfortunately, Je_Suis_une_Pizza's focus wanders so wildly that he never actually finishes any of his points. I think you will notice this in the ensuing discussion. It isn't important whether you agree with every detail that I intend to present. What matters is that you begin to realize that Je_Suis_une_Pizza believes that the world is crying out to labor beneath his firm but benevolent heel. That's just wrong. He further believes that he is the one who will lead us to our great shining future. Wrong again!

Je_Suis_une_Pizza is planning to exploit issues such as the global economic crisis and the increase in world terrorism in order to instigate planet-wide chaos. Planet-wide chaos is his gateway to global tyranny, which will in turn enable him to arrest and detain his enemies indefinitely without charge, without trial, and without access to legal counsel. Have you ever had a bad dream about Je_Suis_une_Pizza trying to take away our sense of community and leave us morally adrift? Well, I have news for you. That wasn't a dream; it was real.

Many people who follow Je_Suis_une_Pizza's analects have come to the erroneous conclusion that a totalitarian dictatorship is the best form of government we could possibly have. The stark truth of the matter is that we ignore him at our own peril. If you doubt this, just ask around. Not surprisingly, Je_Suis_une_Pizza is a man utterly without honor, without principles, without a shred of genuine patriotism. That's why I say that in public, he vehemently inveighs against corruption and sin. But when nobody's looking, he never fails to deny the obvious.

Over the years, I've enjoyed a number of genuinely pleasurable (and pleasurably genuine) conversations with a variety of people who understand that this makes the issue an even greater tragedy. In one such conversation, someone pointed out to me that our national media is controlled by diabolic drug lords. That's why you probably haven't heard that the time has come to choose between freedom or slavery, revolt or submission, and liberty or Je_Suis_une_Pizza's particularly demented form of teetotalism. It's clear what Je_Suis_une_Pizza wants us to choose, but you may have noticed that I have no interest in getting tangled in the rhetoric or dogma that he frequently pushes. But you don't know the half of it. For starters, Je_Suis_une_Pizza sees the world as somewhat anarchic, a game of catch-as-catch-can in which the sneakiest rubes nab the biggest prizes.

I realize that the tone of this letter may be making some people feel uneasy. However, even if you're somewhat uncomfortable reading about Je_Suis_une_Pizza's vicious bruta fulmina please don't blame me for them. I'm not the one giving rise to the most ugly gits you'll ever see. I'm not the one challenging all I stand for. And I'm not the one breaking down our communities.

Although the historical battle between good and evil is exemplified in the philosophical division between Platonic order and Aristotelian chaos, the main dissensus between me and Je_Suis_une_Pizza is that I contend that we are now stuck with a tactless phallocentrism bearing a human face—that of Je_Suis_une_Pizza. He, on the other hand, contends that his adversaries are aligned with very dark and malevolent fourth-dimensional aliens known as Draconians. I'll give you an example of this, based on my own experience. As you know, he somehow manages to maintain a straight face when saying that the sun rises just for him. I am greatly grieved by this occurrence of falsehood and fantastic storytelling which is the resultant of layers of social dishevelment and disillusionment amongst the fine citizens of a once organized, motivated, and cognitively enlightened civilization.

To state it in stark and simple terms, Je_Suis_une_Pizza seizes every opportunity to foment a radical realignment of industrialized economies. I cannot believe this colossal clownishness. Any sane person knows that if I didn't sincerely believe that I wouldn't waste my time trying to get the Je_Suis_une_Pizza monkey off our backs and off other people's backs as well if Je_Suis_une_Pizza's commentaries weren't parroted by so many mingy freebooters, then I wouldn't be writing this letter.

My long-term goal is to reinforce what is best in people. Unfortunately, much remains to be done. As you may have noticed, you may make the comment, "What does this have to do with dictatorial bums?" Well, once you begin to see the light you'll realize that I have avoided engaging in open debate with chthonic, crass dips—or even acknowledging their existence—for fear of lending them any form of legitimacy. I could write pages on the subject, but the following should suffice. Je_Suis_une_Pizza sometimes has trouble convincing people that he acts in the name of equality and social justice. When he has such trouble, he usually trots out a few nefarious, psychotic potlickers to constate authoritatively that Je_Suis_une_Pizza has the authority to issue licenses for practicing resistentialism. Whether or not that trick of his works, it's still the case that Je_Suis_une_Pizza always cavils at my attempts to make pretentiousness unfashionable. That's probably because by brainwashing his votaries with statism, Je_Suis_une_Pizza makes them easy to lead, easy to program, and easy to enslave.

Most people want to be nice; they want to be polite; they don't want to give offense. And because of this inherent politeness, they step aside and let Je_Suis_une_Pizza get as many people as possible to line up behind the geek-tent barkers at the latest and greatest carnival of ethnocentrism. So let me make it clear that his views are more than just careless. They're a revolt against nature. You should be sure to let me know your ideas about how to deal with Je_Suis_une_Pizza. I am eager to listen to your ideas and I unquestionably hope that I can grasp their essentials, evaluate their potential, look for flaws, provide suggestions, absorb feedback, suggest improvements, and then put the ideas into effect. Only then can we call people to their highest and best, not accommodate them at their lowest and least. I don't need to tell you that even if his reinterpretations of historic events were completely successful in making a few people feel better, they would still be demeaning to everyone else. That should be self-evident. What is less evident is that if you study his silly communiqués long enough, you'll come to the inescapable conclusion that it is hardly surprising that Je_Suis_une_Pizza wants to impose a particular curriculum, vision of history, and method of pedagogy on our school systems. After all, this is the same dim-witted mountebank whose rancorous prattle informed us that he is entitled to persecute the innocent and let the guilty go unpunished.

Je_Suis_une_Pizza has it all wrong; he has recently been going around claiming that advertising is the most veridical form of human communication. You really have to tie your brain in knots to be gullible enough to believe that junk. His beliefs (as I would certainly not call them logically reasoned arguments) are based on a denial of reality, on the substitution of a deliberately falsified picture of the world in place of reality. And this dishonesty, this refusal to admit the truth, will have some very serious consequences for all of us one of these days. It is quite common today to hear people express themselves as follows: "When a recalcitrant loon has been beaten down with the successive hammer blows of careerism, Bonapartism, and Trotskyism, he becomes quite receptive to Je_Suis_une_Pizza's propaganda and quite likely to join his crime syndicate." Did you hear what Je_Suis_une_Pizza recently said about mysticism? Never before has a bleeding-heart hostis generis humani so cleverly hidden in plain sight his intention to censor any incomplicitous announcements. In short, ignoring this letter can be considered an admission of guilt on Je_Suis_une_Pizza's part. What you really need to do to be convinced of that, however, is to study the matter for yourself. I'll be happy to send you enough facts to get you started. Just write to me.















Cool story bro. Thread sucks. Been done before.

Cool story bro. Thread sucks. Been done before.

That was a good thread.

way to edit the thread title.

way to edit the thread title.

Glad to see someone appreciates my work.

You have a pickle to bone with Greg? Wat

Unless this is a thread about the summarization of the three Shrek movies I won't bother.

.

.

Image-stealer.

>Click into the thread; it's another mult
>Read the first sentence; it's another copypasta
>Leave; it's another Funhouse thread

>Click into the thread; it's another mult
>Read the first sentence; it's another copypasta
>Leave; it's another Funhouse thread

.

"Greg, I have a boner to pineapple you with."
>Read the title as such.