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MasPan's Field Guide to Women - MasPan - 2009-01-12
Before we begin, I would like to note that women are impossible to completely understand, even for other women. The best we can do is to reach a vague idea of how the different types of women will behave and what their motivations for doing so are.
Co-authored by Brian/Keeffer/Bubjub45 (same person)
We will start with a fairly common breed of women -
The Princess.
The Princess wants, no, feels entitled to everything, but only if it costs a lot of money. She demands your full attention at all times, and stop at nothing to obtain it. She will often have several men at their beck and call, "whipped." She honestly believes that seeking her attention should be the life goal of every person. She is best matched with a spineless worm, someone who is too enthralled with her to stand up for himself, and a jock (at the same time - one for business, one for fun). Usually has wasp-like features.
Warning - there is a reason for the existence of the term "Royal ____"
The Girl Next Door.
In stark contrast to the Princess, The Girl Next Door is sweet, funny, "innocent," and cute. She is the best friend that means so much more, the one you grew up playing doctor with (and maybe still do). For a guy, your parents love her, and can't believe that you haven't gotten together yet. Well suited to the "nice-guy" or any guy who she can have fun with but will still treat her with respect.
The She-Hulk
What, a girl can't work out? Yes, she can, but The She-Hulk takes this to the extreme, destroying all femine traits that she may possess. This girl is a walking tank - there is not a guy in the world "man-enough" for her, and she lives for the rush of scaring the piss out of men. Possibly a steroid user. Often possess VIOLENT tempers. Best matched with a body-builder or another She-Hulk, someone that she can't hurt easily.
The Goth
The Goth is the exact opposite of The She-Hulk - she is quiet, disinterested, and avoids physical activity where possible. Usually pale, or wears white make-up. Reads often, favorites likely include the works of Edgar Allen Poe. Avoids confrontation. She will open up to someone that she feels she can relate to, likely another Goth of either gender, but expect her to hide her feelings. May keep a journal. A good match for a Goth is one of two things - someone that shares her gloomy thoughts and feelings, or someone who can get her to try new things and bring her out of her goth shell. Goth girls vary greatly in physical attractiveness.
The Book-worm
The Book-worm shares many qualities with the Goth - she is quiet, calm, and likes to hide from the world in a good book. In fact, she spends more time in a fantasy than the real world. Severe extremes may lack the ability to differentiate reality from fantasy. Often too busy reading to care about looking for a relationship. Book-worms are MADE for nerds/geeks - they share many common attributes, and know how to enjoy a quiet day indoors. Often has a strong intellect. Variations of the Book-Worm include the Anime Fan and the Gamer-Girl.
[COLOR="Purple"]
The Prom Queen [/COLOR]
This girl is hot, and knows it. She rules the world around her (not in the manner of The Princess, but simply by fact of her beauty and plotting). She rarely has to think or act for herself, but when she does, The Prom Queen can be extremely manipulative, selfish, and cruel. She is usually found with a Princess for a best friend in this case, until they fall for the same man and unleash hell upon each other. Conversely, she could be kind, helpful, and perfect in an almost un-reachable way. Her flock of followers makes her near impossible to get close to though, so she is difficult to pursue in a relationship. As her name suggests, she is almost a guarantee for Prom Queen. High probability that she is/was a cheerleader. Best suited for an all-around person (someone who excels at sports, academics, and social activity).
The Stoner/Rocker
There is nothing that the Stoner/Rocker won't try - she is WILD. She loves the music to be so loud that she can't hear herself think, but is usually too stoned to think anyway. She loves parties and loves to get drunk. Do NOT try to tame her. For people dating her, be prepared for her to cheat (this may not always happen, but things happen when you're on every chemical, legal and illegal, known to man. Somehow they always end up dating deadbeats and sleazes.
The Tomboy
This girl is awesome - she is one of the guys. She loves to wrestle, punch, spit, burp, and set things on fire. She can take care of herself, and frowns upon guys "protecting" her. Often referred to as the "country girl." Not afraid to speak her mind. Will not tolerate abusive relationships. Well-suited to respectful but capable partners.
The Prude
The Prude is the opposite of the Stoner/Rocker. She will not try anything - not for religious reasons, but simply because she is stuck-up. She will make claims of hatred towards things she has never tried, and is unflinching in her beliefs. She is extremely picky and slow moving in relationships. Impossibly stubborn. She fits perfectly in a relationship with a Religious Zealot or any other "safe" partner. Low chance of being homosexual.
The Zealot
Oh dear lord...No, seriously, these girls are borderline nuns (in their minds). They have a religious quote for every situation, and often adopt a cause which they fervently support, such as starving children in a foreign country. Their favorite passtimes include listening to "Christian" music, praying for "non-believers" or those who "stray" from the "righteous path." Often share many qualities with Prudes as well. A word of caution - do not, EVER, for ANY reason, bring up the topic of religion with these girls. A Passion of the Christ t-shirt is a dead giveaway. Well matched with a male from the same religion (99% of these girls believe that homosexuality is a dreadful sin).
Brian's additions
The Feminist
The feminist feels that everything a man does is to put women down, and she has no problem explaining that to you. Any gesture of kindness can be seen as putting her down, such as opening a door for her, or trying to push in her chair. In an argument, she will always side with the woman, no matter what. This type of person should be avoided, because there is no real way to reason with her. It is also a fruitless endeavor, because she is, or most likely will end up becoming, a lesbian.
The Nurse
The Nurse is always concerned with how everyone else is doing. She will put whatever she is doing aside to check on you and to help you with your problems. Whenever you don’t have money for lunch, or are thirsty, there she is with food and water to give you. If you hurt yourself, she goes out of her way to help make life easier. This type of girl is great to find, and is suited well with everyone except those extremely independent types of people.
The Tease
The Tease is not interested in you, she just enjoys the attention you give her. She keeps you as close as needed in order to have you bending over backwards for her, but never closer. She will often use sex as a motivation for you, dressing provocativly, blowing you kisses, but never letting you touch. Do not pursue teases, because they do this with every guy, and it will drive you insane.
-Suggestions by SP Members-
The Cuddler
PINK! Everything must be cute, furry, cuddly, and have ginormous Quiznos freaky chinchilla thing eyes! These girls live perpetually in the world as they saw it at the age of 5, and are hopelessly naive. Can be quite obnoxious, and will usually have multiple pets to force upon, or "share" her affection with. A forced awakening to the real world could turn this girl into The Goth. Matched well with people that have the self control to ignore her mindless cooing and not be perverted around her. Easily taken advantage of, so those with Cuddler friends keep an eye out that they aren't abused.
Cute Japanese Girls
Often seen wearing sailor schoolgirl outfits. Usually have several keychains with small, cartoony animals (or monsters) on their backpacks, big eyes, big smiles. Love anything small (they are "kawaii") and tend to have weird powers of seduction. Take caution, as the more perverse groups of older men will often lust for them. They make a good match with people who have a lot of small things, have an immense appreciation for cute little monsters, and prefer cats over dogs.
More later
This is by no means a complete list, but contains most of the more common groups of women. Remember, there are always exceptions (a Prom Queen dating a nerd) to these groupings. Let me warn you again that it is IMPOSSIBLE to truly know what any woman is thinking. Do not waste your time trying, just go with it.
MasPan's Field Guide to Women - Loose - 2009-01-12
Then there's also those annoying girls that are way too cheerful, think that everything is cute and should be hugged, speaks incredibly loudly and lives in a world where everything is pink and sweet.
Harvest Moon games have done a good job displaying these labels. Nice guide, by the way, I'm sure it'll help many youngens out there.
MasPan's Field Guide to Women - MasPan - 2009-01-12
Loose Wrote:Then there's also those annoying girls that are way too cheerful, think that everything is cute and should be hugged, speaks incredibly loudly and lives in a world where everything is pink and sweet.
Harvest Moon games have done a good job displaying these labels. Nice guide, by the way, I'm sure it'll help many youngens out there.
You mean Cuddlers? I'll add them in shortly
MasPan's Field Guide to Women - Fiel - 2009-01-12
Nice list. Sums up a lot. I had to think for a few minutes before I thought up another one --> Romantics.
MasPan's Field Guide to Women - Mark - 2009-01-12
I can't wait till the real women spill into this thread and tear the list apart.
MasPan's Field Guide to Women - DrRusty - 2009-01-12
Where is insecure girl at? The ones that are currently or have just been through a bad relationship. They are easy to pick up but hard to get rid of. They want your attention but hate to see you talkin to another girl (maybe they have been cheated on). They want to be held as much as possible. They're almost like little kids and want to be babied.
MasPan's Field Guide to Women - Katie - 2009-01-12
lol. Maybe a woman should be writing this? But, for the most part, alot of it is accurate =)
I'm the Nurse/other, thus the reason I'm in Nursing school.
MasPan's Field Guide to Women - Manda - 2009-01-12
I think I fit into the Bookworm profile, but the list is pretty good so far. Can't really think of anything extra that could go in.
MasPan's Field Guide to Women - ItachiPower - 2009-01-12
Katie Wrote:lol. Maybe a woman should be writing this? But, for the most part, alot of it is accurate =)
Well, this is mostly from a guy's opinion, and it sure as hell sounds 100% right.
MasPan's Field Guide to Women - Huey - 2009-01-12
I think that some of the personalities can be mashed together...(The Princess + The Prom Queen maybe?) I mean, there are some girls out there that have a mix of some of the personalities that MasPan listed.
MasPan's Field Guide to Women - Hazzy - 2009-01-12
If only women were like subatomic particles and were able to be so well organized. :[
MasPan's Field Guide to Women - MasPan - 2009-01-12
I'll add in those posted that weren't already in it, ty for your contributions guys (and girls)!
(gonna run outta font colors at this rate
)
MasPan's Field Guide to Women - JezzaRules - 2009-01-13
I know a girl who lives close to me (no names given) and she happens to be a cross between a Prom Queen and a Tease. She loves getting attention from the boys but in reality, she's a backstabbing peach
.
MasPan's Field Guide to Women - Shidoshi - 2009-01-13
you should add a profile for the "shy girl" one who has yet to experiment with kissing/sex and wants to but is too shy/insecure to let herself do it. (i had some experience with this kind of woman)
MasPan's Field Guide to Women - Laur - 2009-01-13
Lmao
According to your guide, I'm somewhere between the book-worm, stoner/rocker chick, and tomboy. Although, I can't even imagine cheating on my boyfriend and he's not a deadbeat xD
MasPan's Field Guide to Women - Kawasari Mimoto - 2009-01-13
My gf is .. Prom Queen + Tomboy.. lol! I win.
MasPan's Field Guide to Women - Tykian - 2009-01-13
Kasuhitomi Wrote:My gf is .. Prom Queen + Tomboy.. lol! I win.
Doubt this, nothing against you my friend, but this combination would awkwardly turn into something else altogether. She would need to be beautiful, have followers, be cruel, and be one of the guys :S
Edit: on 2nd thought, I could actually imagine this, but it's still incredibly awkward.
2nd Edit: Currently dating a "Girl next door" (Though there are a couple qualities that are different). Latest Ex was Stoner/Rocker.
MasPan's Field Guide to Women - Kawasari Mimoto - 2009-01-13
Tykian Wrote:Doubt this, nothing against you my friend, but this combination would awkwardly turn into something else altogether. She would need to be beautiful, have followers, be cruel, and be one of the guys :S
Edit: on 2nd thought, I could actually imagine this, but it's still incredibly awkward.
2nd Edit: Currently dating a "Girl next door" (Though there are a couple qualities that are different). Latest Ex was Stoner/Rocker.
Beautiful: Check
Followers: No..
Cruel: She 'can' be if you get her mad, she has no problem saying something to anyone's face in front of them.
Be one of the guys: She's quite tomboy, plays games, doesn't like pink, the list goes on.
3 out of 4. Actually, she's quite a 'tease' too. <3 ;[
MasPan's Field Guide to Women - Derimed - 2009-01-13
This guide is flawed.
Think of all the men you've met, and how intricate and complex their personalities are. Women are probably even more complicated because their hormones can severely alter their mood. Moreover, a person can change his reaction given how he is treated. Most people would classify me as a guy that is good to girls, but one of my gfs was a psycho and a golddigger, so by the end I was screaming and abusive. It has been said that even the sweetest girl can become a peach depending on the level of abuse you heap on her. Finally, AGE changes people. I am 27, I am very different now than I was at 18. Similarly, a lot of girls, (I daresay most,) will change what they look for in a man, and will change themselves as they age. Jeannie in Forrest Gump was perfectly portrayed: she did heaps of crazy pomegranate, but at the end of the movie she's a stable mother; her past caught up to her in the form of AIDS, but many people, (including some of our parents,) will never reveal their crazy youth to us.
So, a person is not a certain type, he is what he is depending on circumstances the moment in which you catch him. Nasty people can be nice, (to certain people or at certain times,) and nice people sometimes act like assholes. The "types" portrayed in this guide are mainly useful as a regional or national indicator. The football-cheerleader culture of the South has some imitations in other places, but the WAY it exists is peculiar to them. And honestly, and thankfully, I've never met a father in the North who upon meeting me threatened my life if I mistreat his daughter, (this is standard in Texas.)
Let's leave the generalizations for anthropologists and sociologists, people. You cannot classify a gender in a few paragraphs. Men trying to make sense of general feminine behavior drive themselves insane, and even most women I've met can't explain a bunch of it, even if they identify with it.
No, I really don't feel like arguing this point. Books have been written by men trying to explain women, and women trying to explain men. It'll never become clear. Why? Friedrich Nietzche, ironically a huge mysoginist, put it best: "The same emotions in women and men are, however, different in tempo; therefore, men and women never cease to misunderstand one another."
MasPan's Field Guide to Women - Katie - 2009-01-13
Now that I think about it, where is the "plum" option? I'm pretty sure I fall into that category.