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+--- Thread: This is getting a little weird. (/showthread.php?tid=40654)
This is getting a little weird. - aslemn - 2011-04-15
Well, so, there's this best friend of mine, i've met her 3 years ago, she was the nicest person of the class to me, and the first of everyone to talk to me at first place. Since then, we've done all the things together, and we could see our friendship getting bigger and bigger. We could talk about any and everything with each other, anytime.
While people used to look at us like something more, we were always friends, nothing more than that. Specially for the fact she always had a boyfriend since then. It was all normal, i was always too damn shy since she met me, that she had to make me change drastically in these years, in appearence, and in personality in that way.
So, there's that thing where like, curiosity tends to make things a little weird. The fact that when you always see someone that talks normally about everything, and walks with any kind of clothes, it doesn't make much difference. But when you look at someone that barely used to talk, and only dresses with coats, pants, that you can't barely see it's face, i really get that it's normal to feel curious about what that person's hiding under all that.
But things are getting a little weird now. She broke up with her boyfriend like half a year ago, and had like no one to chat about such things other than me. And there's the fact she's been friends to a very, very shy guy in our class that used to be bullied by some students. The fact she got friends with him, made people go out with a few rumors that she was dating him. Of course she wasn't, and she didn't like it much.
She was kind of embarassed when the teacher asked her to switch the seats with the guy that was behind him, and when she sat there, our friends were saying such things. She was uncomfortable with that situation, and a few days after people were getting into that, she starts to chat with me about more personal things.
She said she was curious, because she's been feeling that she doesn't know me, like that she's always facing a mask, she wanted me to be more free with her, and that ranged from making some embarassing questions, to making me wear some different clothes for my friends to see it, she said she wanted to know who i was, truly.
In the last days, she's being as funny, as embarassing with me. She's joking with us, and i am, too. But it's getting to the point that things are starting to feel weird in here. She ranged from asking me to hug her, to hold her hand, from asking me to kiss her, or worse things. Although i know that she's just making fun like she always was, it's somehow different now, because looking at the past, this change wasn't so fast as i thought it was.
I'm acting like i'm making fun, either. But sometimes, it seems like i can't really know if she's speaking seriously, or just joking once more. She asked me about such things, and said something like she wanted to see my reaction, or that she said that because she thinks that i should ask a friend that has like nothing to do with this.
My main question is. How the hell can i know if she's being serious or that she's just playing once more? This is not making me feel good, because it will change regardless of anything i do. I'm just afraid of doing the wrong thing once again. I've almost ruined a friendship because i accepted to date a friend, it ended by my fault, because i couldn't be who she wanted me to, and the fact we were only friends, and that i wasn't comfortable enough to talk about everything to my ex.
I just don't want to hurt her, to make the wrong decision and ruin our friendship like i almost ruined one of my previous ones. I've never been asked out, so, i can't really say if she's being serious, also because of the fact i'm insecure about her, since she's been nice to me all this time, she is damn nice, lovely, and hot. I'm not any close to the men she used to date before, i'm not as beautiful or as athletic as any of them, much less i can talk to everyone in the way they do and of every subject.
I need to do the right thing. How can i even know if she's really interested, if she's just playing, or if she just wants me to help her to get out of these rumors? I have no idea on what to do in this situation. I can handle any and every situation, but when it comes to other's feelings, i'm just stunned.
If she really wants it, then it's the worse. I'm not the kind of guy that cares that much about someone, that chats that much about personal subjects, i'm close to my friends, i talk about everything, but i just don't say something like "I love you" or "Get closer", for god's sake it's better that she wants me to help her or that she's just joking, because if it isn't, i have just absolutely no idea on what to do.
I don't really have someone to talk about this irl, so,
Advice, SP? :C
Thought this wouldn't fit much in Angry Dome, so...
Sorry for the long ass text. :C
This is getting a little weird. - Sn1perJohnE - 2011-04-16
When you are in a situation alone with her, look her straight in the eye, and ask her "Do you like me? Like me more than just friends?"
You could end up actually dating her, you could just get nothing. But if you dont ask, it will continue being weird. If you two are truly friends, and you do end up dating, and it doesnt work out, she isnt a good friend if she doesnt remain your friend after wards.
This is getting a little weird. - VirgilDiablo - 2011-04-16
i've had two girl best-friends. i ended up dating both of them. i wish i never had. you think that because you're so close to that person on such a personal level that you know all you need to, you're set, you're good to go. but the thing is about relationships is that pomegranate's always going to happen and in my experience the closer i am to a girl before i start dating her, the more pressure that relationship gets. it's a lot more stressful. because you'll do anything in the world to make it work because the alternative is too damn scary. and then you start to realize that that person isn't reacting like you thought they would. you thought you'd get x reaction when instead you get y. you're getting fives instead of eights, rights instead of lefts, zigs instead of zags. and it's a mixture of depressing, confusing, and anxiety-causing because it just starts rattling away in your brain. almost like a personal defeat because you're like "well i thought i knew this person", and you did, you knew that person as a best friend, maybe like a sister. all i can say is, things change. it's an entirely different ruleset once you enter a relationship with them. take that as you will. to me, it's a huge risk, one that's not worth taking at my point in life because i'm not mature enough when it comes to relationships to handle one like that. and if i'm not mature enough, chances are she's not going to be either. later in college, maybe after college, i'll start being ready. and once you're ready, i believe, then i think those kind of relationships are real winners. ones that you've already got such a gigantic personal connection already built. once you've got that connection, it doesn't take long to fall in love, believe me. but it's also a difficult peak to climb; a master of mountain climbing would still have a challenge, but would have the experience and tools to properly handle whatever situation would come. an inexperienced climber, however, things could get really ugly with, really quickly. again, take that as you will.
edit: and another thing from personal experience, it's nearly impossible to go back to being friends, even if you're only talking and not actually dating. i'm a pretty firm believer in "relationships can only move forward. if you want to go back, you've gotta start completely over"
This is getting a little weird. - Shidoshi - 2011-04-16
Sn1perJohnE Wrote:When you are in a situation alone with her, look her straight in the eye, and ask her "Do you like me? Like me more than just friends?"
You could end up actually dating her, you could just get nothing. But if you dont ask, it will continue being weird. If you two are truly friends, and you do end up dating, and it doesnt work out, she isnt a good friend if she doesnt remain your friend after wards.
I agree with this, you gotta take the risk. That's life.
And I have gone through the whole friend->lover->friend thing and it's quite possible to do it. Things will be strange at first but give it time and it will be good again.
This is getting a little weird. - ShinkuDragon - 2011-04-16
Shidoshi Wrote:I agree with this, you gotta take the risk. That's life.
And I have gone through the whole friend->lover->friend thing and it's quite possible to do it. Things will be strange at first but give it time and it will be good again.
i third this, if you do nothing, nothing will happen, ask her, even if she says no, at least you will know. also, kind of a funny remark, i have gone through the friend-lover-friend a few times, one of the times the reason we got back as friends was because she was actually a lesbian
