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Should children pay to live at home? - Retalion - 2010-04-21
Just curious what people on Southperry think. Reason for this is that I have been paying my parents $250/month to live at home for the last 3ish years, and when friends find out about that, they're usually appalled that my parents would charge me to live at home.
This all started when I entered University, and one of my other friend's parents charged him to live at home. That combined with most of my friends (well, not even most, probably half) having jobs led my dad to believe that they all pay their parents to live at home, which isnt the case; they keep all the money themselves to spend going out, buying clothes, going on vacation at the end of each semester, etc.
Initially, their reason for wanting to charge me to live at home was because they wanted that to be an incentive to get a job. I understand that reasoning, but at the same time, being a music student there simply isnt the time. I've been taking 30+ credits per year for the last two years, with 7 courses per semester the last 4 semesters (the standard load here is 4-5). On top of that, being a music major requires lots of practicing time, and most days, I do not come home from school till 7-9 pm. I spend most of my weekends volunteering at church, so I dont even have time to get a weekend only job, not to mention the weekend is when I'm usually catching up on homework. I do have an unofficial "job" in teaching piano to one student and editing papers, but that's not the kind of job they expect me getting, as they feel there are no references from such work that can go on a resume as experience.
Personally, it's not something I like doing (giving my money $250 a month), but at the same time, I feel there's nothing I can do about it. Sometimes on top of the $250/month, my parents would take extra money out of my wallet. I sometimes have $100 in coins sitting on my table, and it would disappear in a span of weeks with me spending only around 5-10 of it, or they would borrow a few hundred from me in bills, in both scenarios, always saying they'd pay me back. However, I have never once been paid back, and when I do ask about it, they would go down the list of all the things they pay for for me (tuition, food, living expenses), and go on to talk about all the money they've spent raising me these past 20 years. Really, how can I argue against that? It's not like I have the resources to pay them for everything. While my parents have paid for my tuition the first 2 years of University, I recently took out a 10k student loan to pay for 3rd year. My tuition totaled up to 4.5k, and I had roughly 6k left for textbooks and living expenses. My dad took it all and spent it on who knows what, and when I asked him how I was going to pay it back, he got really mad at me, and went back to the "We've paid to raise you all these years, and you want to calculate money now?", which brings me back to "I cant say anything about it because its true"
My friend looked at it from the opposite end, saying "When parents have children, they do so knowing full well the financial burdens that they will bear. It's not fair for them to take from you now. Parents are supposed to provide for their children, not the other way around." While I personally want to see it that way as well, it seems a pretty spoiled way to look at things, with the feeling of entitlement to everything.
Also, if it isnt too personal, do you guys have to pay to live at home?
Should children pay to live at home? - Sarah - 2010-04-21
It depends on age and priorities. Up until 18 the parent should support the child unconditionally. If the child is a full-time student and is going faithfully (not missing excessive classes) and it is within the parents means to continue to support the child, then the child should be given a break. If the child is just sitting around playing games or missing classes then it is not unreasonable for the parent to expect them to have a job and be partially responsible for their costs of living.
In some cases, even if the child is being responsible in furthering their education, I understand making them pay a small amount of rent. It teaches them financial responsibility so that they will be prepared when they move out on their own.
I had to pay rent before I moved out ($200/month plus half the cable bill) and I'd say I've been a heck of a lot better off because of it. Once I was late paying my part of the cable bill (because I spent my money irresponsibly) and my father requested a block on our service until I paid. In real life you don't get second chances like that, it's not a game, so yeah, a little bit of tough love does good.
Edit: Responded before I fully read your post. In your case I think it's fine to argue with your parents about taking excess money as long as you're giving them the $250 a month. Anything after that should come out of the next months rent because you have an agreement. Taking money for your school loans is simply inexcusable, especially because school loans end up haunting many people for many years. If you're not even using that money on school then you're really getting screwed and that is your parents fault.
Should children pay to live at home? - JoeTang - 2010-04-21
My parents owe me $1000 right now so...
Should children pay to live at home? - Throes - 2010-04-21
If by "children" you mean offspring that are over 18 and are still living at home, then I'd say it depends. Obviously anyone younger than 18 shouldn't be paying rent.
I currently do not pay my mother rent, but that is because I pay for my own tuition and books (currently attending community college, it's cheap, and well within my means.) I also buy groceries and pay for other things around the house, so I still contribute to the household even if it's not in the form of rent.
My brother-in-law, on the other hand, has graduated from high school, but is not going to college. He does not have a job. He does not pay for his own phone bill. He does not pay for his own car insurance. My mother-in-law does not charge him rent. Why not? I have no fucking clue, honestly. He's basically a lazy mooch who is doing nothing productive with his existence.
It took me too long to write this post, so Sarah basically said everything else I wanted to say, but better. Damn her.
Should children pay to live at home? - Kalovale - 2010-04-21
I'm waiting for my immigration plan to go through and start my college in the US. For now I'm working part-time with English tutor classes, giving my mom all the paycheck and sitting around doing my things on the computer whenever I have free time, which is almost always.
In my opinion, if you're 18+ and you're not up to your ears with college work, you should feel some certain responsibilities to the household, one way or another.
Should children pay to live at home? - Sn1perJohnE - 2010-04-21
Up til 18, the parents gotta be pretty f-ed up, or the child would have done some pretty bad things to have to pay for living at home.
In your case, its kinda messed up, as you have your priorities straight and are in school, while people will just freeload off their parents into their mid/late 20s without contributing much or anything at all.
In a situation similar to mine, it would be fair to pay something for living at home, if not with the rent at least with food or something, even with being in school still, yet not as serious a study as your situation. Its more towards the freeloading side, but still a full time student and focusing on something.
Now, in a situation where school is removed, then yea, its more than fair that part of the living cost be paid.
In my situation, my mom sometimes babysits for someone, but she doesnt have her drivers license, so im am basically her only mode of transportation. The problem with this is, I have class on Monday and Wednesday at 7pm to 10PM, and Tuesday and Thursday from 9 AM to 9 PM, leaving me with Friday, Saturday, and Sunday free. But theres a problem there, I am taking 3 art classes, 2 of which have projects that are both time consuming, and need to be completed outside of class, so those free days arent always free. My dad pays our rent, as well as for our cell phones. The rest of the money basically comes from her babysitting, and partially from my financial aid, which isnt exactly fun when im the one going to school and have it to use.
Now fully on your situation, I would say it is horrible that your parents sit with you paying $250 a month, and then on top of that, they take even more money from you. Im guessing that you also are responsible for a good portion of your food costs, which means they could effectively be taking food out of your mouth when they take extra money beyond the $250.
Should children pay to live at home? - Orit - 2010-04-21
Short answer: making you pay rent is fine, taking your money at random is not.
Longer answer:
Personally I would not charge my grown children "rent" or "room and board", as long as they were serious about their schoolwork. But, I am familiar with the arguments in favor of making them pay, and it is a valid choice as well.
However, taking more money on top of that, is wrong. I know of situations where a household has several working adults contributing to the budget, so basically everybody's income is pooled and then everybody's needs are taken care of. That's fine. But that should be stated upfront, and you should then decide whether you're going to stay under those conditions, or move out. The situation you are in, where it's supposedly your money but they help themselves to it whenever they want, while you can't help yourself to theirs, is wrong. In my opinion.
Oh, and talking about how much it's cost them to raise you these past 20 years is totally bogus. Parents have to support their children until 18, and can't expect that to be returned. Not ever, and certainly not immediately after the child turns 18. I also don't buy into the "support me in my old age" form of "return on the investment", since I sincerely hope I do not need to be (financially) supported then. That's what a pension plan is for.
Should children pay to live at home? - Wigum - 2010-04-21
My parents wouldn't have made me pay rent during college if i had lived at home, unless i was royally mucking up college. If i had moved home after college they would have charged rent. Which I feel is fair. I had friend's parents who charged them rent, but put all that rent in a bank account for when they moved out/needed a car etc, so they had a nice little fund that they made. But taking your money, and your tuition is just down right wrong. A student loan is hard enough to pay back without suddenly losing 6k of it with nothing to show.
Should children pay to live at home? - Khoi - 2010-04-21
I don't pay to live at home, and I'm a 21 year-old that is a Junior in University. My parents would never charge me, unless they really needed the money, knowing them. Though technically, I do pay a certain amount every paycheck (about $250 per paycheck) to them, so that they can hold it for me. Reason for that is, they don't trust my spending habits, and they're right. If I don't control myself, I'd be off spending all that money on booze.
So I basically pay them every paychecks (I get 2 per month), and once they get up to $2,000 dollars or so, I'm good to go. Reason for that is, I have to pay for my car insurance and car-inspection fees. I'm only paying like $750 or so for insurance, but God knows how much inspection fees can be if repairs are needed. So they basically hold onto my money for me. I only have enough money from every paycheck (anywhere from 50-100 dollars) to pay for my gas every 2 weeks and buy a couple Lattes at the local Cafe.
This Summer, I do plan on working a lot though, like last Summer! So I'll be pretty damn busy.
Should children pay to live at home? - Kabanaw - 2010-04-21
I think that rent for college students to stay at home is fine, as it helps with getting kids out of the house. But taking money at random is... kind of mean of them.
And something that might be a good idea: My band teacher told us about a friend of his who practiced in a subway station on his trumpet every day. Just by practicing, not even playing actual songs, he got enough money from passerbys to pay for all his rent and food. I don't know if you play any instruments that can do this, but if you do it might be a good idea.
Should children pay to live at home? - Khoi - 2010-04-21
If you're a skilled gamer at whatever games you play (Halo, etc), you can always money-match people and win some dough. That's how one of my best friend makes like 1/20 of his income, on money-matches. 5 bucks per win. If you're one of those rich guys that can afford to lose OR gain $20 dollars though, go for it.
Should children pay to live at home? - Dusk - 2010-04-21
Yeah, great advice for a music student, Khoi. Gambling sure is a reliable source of income.
On-topic:
Like others have said, I think it's perfectly fine for your parents to charge you rent to live at home (it's a good part of a transition to adulthood). I don't live with my parents, but I've been paying for my living expenses at school while my parents cover tuition, and it's a hell of a lot more expensive to live on campus at college than it is to live with your parents.
The random taking money from you is pretty unfair, though.
Should children pay to live at home? - Khoi - 2010-04-21
Don't worry about it, I have Jackk on my MSN, so I joke around like 90% of the time. He knows. lol
Should children pay to live at home? - Serenity - 2010-04-21
My father takes 500$ every paycheck from me. Now I don't argue, nor do I care because I know he's investing it for me. So far I do have an IRA opened as well. If I were you I would question your parents on a different note rather than "pay me back".
First off you need to confront the agreement, $250 a month. I would say something on the lines of, towards my dad at least, "Alright dad, I want to clarify a few things. First off I'd start off that this isn't a 'pay me back now' situation, just a question of what our agreement is, or what I'm missing. I appreciate the care, shelter, food and such you have given me and are aware that's all your entitled too. However I'm in a vulnerable position myself, I would love to get the job, I unfortunatly don't have the time and am trying my best with the current tutoring and volunteering. I'm grateful you pay for my intuition or such, but if you expect me to maintain a budget, I need a standard payment, such as most bills normally have. I have kept my deal up, paying the 250$ that you have requested, if you'd like to raise such rent cost's let me know with a little notice so I can adjust my own budget. I have to say though, I don't appreciate you take the money I pocket from my efforts to try to keep my own independence off your paycheck and more on mine. As I said, as a parent, I can't hold no debt against you, but if you want to make this into a situation that becomes more professional, I'd expect proffesional actions, such as a payment agreement."
Though my parents have this mature adult-adult understanding, I dont know how your dad would react that, how many times he'd interupt or such. Just be assurative, and if you can't trust your dad to keep his mouth shut, then write it in a letter format. It's time to show him you are an adult by giving him an adult inquiry.
Should children pay to live at home? - Daku - 2010-04-21
TBH, the more i read the more i felt like you should move out. They just take your money at random without asking. I get they've paid for you ever since you were born but its not some sort of argument they can use against you in any sort of way. THEY decided to have you so they had to pay for your living. You did not decide to come into this world and make them pay for you.
My brother is studying at university he's 21 and he does not pay for anything does not have a job and party's hard. When he had a job my parents would not ask him for money unless they were in a tight spot. The rent they make you pay is alright but not the random money snatching.
Should children pay to live at home? - butterfλi - 2010-04-21
The way you phrased the thread title ties in negative connotations to the whole concept. Charging and paying is something one does in exchange for goods and services, usually with outsiders and is impersonal. So when you ask "should children pay to live at home" it makes it seem like parents are the antagonist who charges you for existing. But if you look at it optimistically, you can think of it as helping out to pay rent or mortgage. Growing up, everyone must've helped their parent(s) (or guardian) at some point: explaining something, picking up something, running errands, or most common of all - house chores. By "paying" your parents to live at home, you're still helping them out as you were before except with money it takes a bigger load off their back than just providing an convenience to them like running out to buy some milk.
Should children pay to live at home? - Myles - 2010-04-21
My mum owes me around £100 ($154) starting back from Christmas. Might not sound a lot, but to an unemployed student it is.
& I'm expecting my mum to start charging me money to live at home when I get a full time job (which will be God knows when).
Should children pay to live at home? - Lozmaster - 2010-04-21
My parent owes me £3100, which would be nice to have being in university and all, but I'm doing find without it, and don't really expect it back.
That said, if I was living at home instead of studying at university (and living on uni accomdation), I would be paying him some rent, not through him asking for it, but just because I think its the fair thing to do, I mean, I'm an adult now, and I don't understand why parents should not expect some money from children over the age of 18/19 even more so if they work full time, and if they are a NEET, I think they should be out on their ass personally.
Should children pay to live at home? - xLeviathan - 2010-04-21
My parents pretty much pay me to live at home, I swear. o.o
Well. No. They pay for my gas and give me a car to drive around. Other than that, nothing. They just don't expect anything.
Should children pay to live at home? - bored4ever86 - 2010-04-22
My situation:
the short: I'm 23, still live at home, I have a decent/steady job. I pay $200/month on the 2nd mortgage.
the long: I live at home still, not by choice. My mom has made me feel so guilty about even thinking about moving out that I have stayed at home all these years. I provide her transportation (we share my car), I pay for groceries 75-90% of the time, pay for all upkeep of my car (except insurance which she pays), and any "going out" expenses (birthday dinners, take out food, entertainment). My mom pays for the household bills, insurance for us both, essentially anything I don't pay. My dad (who doesn't live with us) pays for his household, medical costs (what insurance doesn't cover for everyone minus me), and the mortgages. As for my sister's, my older sister moved out at 16, my 2 younger sisters (20 and 15) pay for nothing (my sister [20 yr old] pays for cell phones for my mom, her and my youngest sister [the 15 yr old does chores to pay her part]).
I do believe that once you hit 18 you should contribute to the household's expenses. If your still living at home at that point you shouldn't just expect a free ride. If attending college I think the contribution should be minimal (parents paying tuition, student pays for books etc) but not reduced to nothing.
As for the TC's situation the 6K absolutely has to be paid back to you, or they have to take over tuition costs for the year/years it would cover. It is inexcusable for that money just "disappeared". Sit down with the parents and say, "I'm trying to be financially responsible and your hindering it by messing up my finances." Tell them from that day forward its the agreed to $250/month for expenses and $0 loaner/free money. The 6K gets paid back (either no 250 from you till its repaid, like they are paying you 250/month to pay it back, or they can pay tuition when its due) no questions, but all other debts (theirs and the cost to raise you) are forgotten. Simple as that.