+- Southperry.net (https://www.southperry.net)
+-- Forum: Social (https://www.southperry.net/forumdisplay.php?fid=14)
+--- Forum: Shenanigans (https://www.southperry.net/forumdisplay.php?fid=51)
+--- Thread: Oh sh'it, my fire monkey.. (/showthread.php?tid=15793)
Pages:
1
2
Oh sh'it, my fire monkey.. - Myles - 2009-08-31
Customer: *storms up to desk* I DEMAND A REFUND!
(She slams a copy of Pokemon Platinum on the counter.)
Me: Certainly, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: My freaking fire monkey DIED! See?
(She pulls the DS from her pocket, turns it on, enters game, and shows me that her Pokemon [a chimchar] has no HP.)
Me: Well, I can erm revive your fire monkey if youd like.
Customer: What are you, some freaking Pokemon priest?! MY FIRE MONKEY IS DEAD!
Me: No, no, look.
(I control her character to go to a Pokemon Center and heal up her Pokemon.)
Me: There, all better.
Customer: THANK YOU! YOU SAVED MY FIRE MONKEY! HOW CAN I EVER REPAY YOU?!
Me: Um no problem, maam. Glad to help.
Customer: AND SO HUMBLE! YOU SAVED MY FIRE MONKEY! *leaves store*
http://notalwaysright.com/preserving-life-1-up-at-a-time/1880
Oh sh'it, my fire monkey.. - ItachiPower - 2009-08-31
MY GRASS TURTLE IS DEAD. What do I do?
Oh sh'it, my fire monkey.. - JezzaRules - 2009-08-31
LMFAO!
A customer asking for a refund on a game that he/she doesn't even know how to play?
Oh sh'it, my fire monkey.. - Myles - 2009-08-31
Customer: Excuse me, but I have a complaint to make.
Me: Oh, sure. Whats the matter?
Customer: I heard a group of teenagers over there talking, and they said the cake that you serve is a lie.
Me:
Customer: What exactly do you have to say for yourselves?! I come in here, expecting to find a decent establishment, only to find out you are selling fake food!!
Me: Um, maam. They were repeating a popular phrase from the internet. I can assure you, the cake that we sell very much exists.
Customer: Prove it! Show me this cake.
Me: *points*
Customer: Oh. In that case you should write a letter to the internet about how theyre making up rumors about your products.
Me: Ill Ill do that. Thank you.
Oh sh'it, my fire monkey.. - TKWizard - 2009-08-31
............................................________
....................................,.-‘”...................``~.,
.............................,.-”...................................“-.,
.........................,/...............................................”:,
.....................,?......................................................,
.................../...........................................................,}
................./......................................................,:`^`..}
.............../...................................................,:”........./
..............?.....__.........................................:`.........../
............./__.(.....“~-,_..............................,:`........../
.........../(_....”~,_........“~,_....................,:`........_/
..........{.._$;_......”=,_.......“-,_.......,.-~-,},.~”;/....}
...........((.....*~_.......”=-._......“;,,./`..../”............../
...,,,___.`~,......“~.,....................`.....}............../
............(....`=-,,.......`........................(......;_,,-”
............/.`~,......`-...................................../
.............`~.*-,.....................................|,./.....,__
,,_..........}.>-._...................................|..............`=~-,
.....`=~-,__......`,.................................
...................`=~-,,.,...............................
................................`:,,...........................`..............__
.....................................`=-,...................,%`>--==``
........................................_..........._,-%.......`
...................................,
Words cannot grasp the true retardness of this...
Oh sh'it, my fire monkey.. - Myles - 2009-08-31
Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”
Customer: “There’s something wrong with my daughter.”
Me: “Oh?”
Customer: “Her eyes keep closing on their own!”
Me: “…ma’am, that’s called blinking.”
Oh sh'it, my fire monkey.. - z0mgc00k13 - 2009-08-31
only noobs kill their fire monkeys =]
Oh sh'it, my fire monkey.. - Styles - 2009-08-31
lmao myles
Oh sh'it, my fire monkey.. - ablu2 - 2009-08-31
http://notalwaysright.com
Oh sh'it, my fire monkey.. - TøbiasBlack - 2009-08-31
wow...
just... my mind...
i think im wanting this race to be exterminated... -_-
Oh sh'it, my fire monkey.. - y0y0y0y0shi0 - 2009-08-31
Caller: “I would like to buy a mirror please.”
Me: “Okay, we have beveled edges, shaped mirrors, plain mirrors. What sort were you after?”
Caller: “Well I just need one to cover this space. So, can you tell me how much it’s going to cost?”
Me: “Sure. I just need to know how big you need it.”
Caller: “What do you need to know that for? It’s just a normal mirror.”
Me: “I need to know the dimensions so I can give you a proper price.”
Caller: “Fine, then. Hang on.” *Few minutes pass.* “Are you there?”
Me: “Yes, I’m here. How big is it?”
Caller: “It’s this big.”
Me: “How big?”
Caller: “I said it’s this big.”
Me: “Are you standing there with your arms out?”
Caller: “Yes, why?”
Me: “Well, because I can’t see how big ‘this’ is. Look, I’ll send out a rep to quote you, okay?”
Caller: “Fine then, come as quickly as you can. I’m a busy woman, you know!”
Another:
Caller: “When is my DSL install going to be done?”
Me: “In two days, sir.”
Caller: “My wife and children just died in a car accident yesterday. I need the internet sooner than that.”
Me: “I’m very sorry to hear that. I will provide you a complimentary dialup account until your DSL is installed.”
Caller: “But dialup is too slow…cancel my order!”
Me: “Sir, if I cancel your order and you wish to schedule service again later, there is a three week wait.”
Caller: “I don’t care! Do it!”
(The next day, the same customer calls back.)
Caller: “Hi, I need to know when my DSL is being installed.”
Me: “Sir, you canceled your order yesterday. Would you like me to reschedule it?”
Caller: “Yes, but I’m not waiting weeks for it, my wife is divorcing me and my kids need it for school.”
Me: “I’m glad to hear that your wife and children have recovered from the fatal car accident.”
Caller: *silence* “So…can I still get the dialup until my DSL is installed?”
Me: “Absolutely!”
Oh sh'it, my fire monkey.. - NotaryPublic - 2009-08-31
Jews and Bacon do not go together very well.
(A customer comes in to pick up a catered BLT tray she had previously ordered over the phone.)
Customer: “I can’t take these, they have bacon on them!”
Me: “I apologize, ma’am, there must have been a mistake. This ticket is for the BLT tray?”
Customer: “Right, that’s right. You shouldn’t put bacon on them! My boss is Jewish!”
Me: “But you did order the BLT?”
Customer: “Right, yes.”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, there must have been a misunderstanding. The BLT comes with bacon, lettuce, and tomato. I can get a manager to help you correct the order if you’d like.”
Customer: “But my boss is Jewish!”
Me: “I completely understand; we’d be happy to remake the tray for you if you’re willing to wait about ten minutes until we serve the people in our take-out line.”
Customer: “But my boss is Jewish!”
Me: “I understand, and I apologize. We’ll be happy to remake the tray for you without bacon if you can wait just a few minutes.”
Customer: “I can’t wait that long!” (She rips off the tray and starts throwing strips of bacon on the counter. The manager looks up and sees her.)
Manager: “Excuse me, ma’am, that’s against the health code!”
Customer: “But my boss is Jewish!”
Oh sh'it, my fire monkey.. - xBTAx - 2009-08-31
I read every single story on that site. What now?
Oh sh'it, my fire monkey.. - y0y0y0y0shi0 - 2009-08-31
xBTAx Wrote:I read every single story on that site. What now?
You just lost the game.
Oh sh'it, my fire monkey.. - xBTAx - 2009-08-31
y0y0y0y0shi0 Wrote:You just lost the game.
I put in another quarter.
Oh sh'it, my fire monkey.. - KhainiWest - 2009-08-31
xBTAx Wrote:I put in another quarter.
It spits it out at you and the quarter becomes Link from the Legend of Zelda.
Oh sh'it, my fire monkey.. - y0y0y0y0shi0 - 2009-08-31
ImVindictive Wrote:It spits it out at you and the quarter becomes Link from the Legend of Zelda.
And then Greg haunts you in your dreams.
Oh sh'it, my fire monkey.. - KhainiWest - 2009-08-31
y0y0y0y0shi0 Wrote:And then Greg haunts you in your dreams.
Haunt? I'd love to dream about greg. As he would love to dream about me.
Oh sh'it, my fire monkey.. - kingdj333 - 2009-08-31
More plox.
Oh sh'it, my fire monkey.. - KingCain - 2009-08-31
Me: Hello, thank you for calling [electronics store]. How can I help you?
Customer: Hi. I bought a Game Boy for my son a few days ago from your store, and its not working.
Me: Did you purchase a warranty?
Customer: Yes, is there anything you can do? My son was playing it earlier, and it suddenly turned off and refuses to turn back on.
Me: Maybe it ran out of batteries. Did you try and recharge them?
Customer: Wait, this uses batteries?
Me: Yeah, theres a charger that comes in the box. Try plugging that in and waiting a few minutes and then seeing if it works.
Customer: But I threw the box out.
Me: Did you take everything out of the box?
Customer: Let me ask my son.
(I was put on hold for a minute.)
Customer: Well, I found the charger, but it doesnt look like Ill be needing it.
Me: Why not?
Customer: My son just snapped the system in half because he couldnt get it to work. I dont suppose the warranty covers that?
Me: Unfortunately, no.
Customer: I see. Then I have one more question: do you have any electronic child-spanking-devices?
Me: Nope, sorry.
Customer: I see. Guess Ill need to do it the old fashioned way. *click*
