+- Southperry.net (https://www.southperry.net)
+-- Forum: Arts & Entertainment (https://www.southperry.net/forumdisplay.php?fid=12)
+--- Forum: Expressive Arts (https://www.southperry.net/forumdisplay.php?fid=70)
+---- Forum: The Shady Tree (https://www.southperry.net/forumdisplay.php?fid=85)
+---- Thread: A Certain Shade of Melancholy (/showthread.php?tid=22192)
A Certain Shade of Melancholy - KajitiSouls - 2010-02-17
FelixTM Wrote:Oh wow Kajiti. THANK YOU. Awesome. I love so so much to hear other people's thoughts on a deeper level like you just did. That would be sweet if you kept helping me out and sharing your thoughts, good or bad whatever. I just like to know what people are thinking and if they're catching the things I put in. I mean I'm only going with the flow, but I am still doing some planning and building. I dunno what I'm saying. I still like hearing thoughts though!
Just a note: Adelaide's father wasn't the one talking to her in the shower. He had already left the house at that time. I think that's what you thought? Not sure if I misunderstood you. She's talking to herself (or a delusion is talking to her, rather). I'm confused. lol Clarifying that just in case. I purposely create ambiguous or confusing situations like that (like prologue), but if they lead to misunderstandings that I DON'T want, I may have to be more clear in revision.
And don't mind my ellipses. I know I'm not using them properly, but I'm not going to. I don't like seeing ". . ." and ". . . ." I keep it simple for myself. I see the "..." and I'll know later to fix it. It's missing or wrong words I'm worried about. I don't always catch those.
Hm what else... I hope you keep reading and commenting. I really appreciate some thoughts on my thoughts. I know what I think about my entries, but I don't know what's on my reader's minds! It's important to me and very helpful in planning for going back and redoing/revising chapters (much later). I realize a lot is unclear and missing at this point. I'm thinking a lot of it up as I go. A lot of details will come in eventually. A lot of things will eventually be explained (I hope). If not, it's helpful to know WHAT I'm missing for when I rewrite it. It's just a rough, newborn story right now!
Okay enough rambling. I'm gonna write ch7 now. Thanks again Kajiti.
Oh, and I totally agree with the Harlow thing. I wish I hadn't revealed he's the one in the prologue, but it just came out. I have a lot of things planned already, and it's hard to not say anything about them. Obviously it wouldn't be known if not for my interaction and blabbing. I hope it doesn't ruin the character for you. It's only like foreshadowing on top of my foreshadowing. lol
Glad I could help =) I had a big gripe about people not being incredibly open about criticism when asked as part of a larger audience. Usually you have to ask people directly to get good specifics.
I personally find that the best part of reading is catching these specific "elements" of writing: the writer successfully gets the readers to go through one train of thought, usually along the lines of the characters and openly presented stuff, then manages to swing the story to make it more incredible than it really ought to have been in hindsight. And just because the readers were distracted about the other thoughts! I guess a typical example of this comes from two people dueling each other, and one person appears to have the advantage, unless the other person discovers his weakness. Person A claims to have a kind of "spell" that causes person B to misjudge distances and fight poorly. But when person B uses his own katana as a ruler to test his theory (unexplained to the audience), he manages to overcome person A's spell. Said spell is actually a visual illusion caused by the alternating color bands on his sleeves. Now had the audience actually thought about the visual illusion before the fight became heated, the victory earned by person B wouldn't be as sweet and majestic.
I don't expect you to explain EVERYTHING right off the bat. If you did that, it would turn into a textbook for your own alternate reality setting, and very few people would actually go through such a textbook.
About the Adelaide note, just ctrl+f for "defiling" and you'll know what I'm talking about. I don't think it had anything to do with the convo with Addy or w/e it was on the phone.
And yeah I hate the MLA convention of ellipses. Stupid spaces >_> But just so long as you're aware of the correct way, I'm cool with that.
A Certain Shade of Melancholy - HooKarez - 2010-03-28
I love re-reading these. Just great writing. Can't wait for the next chapter to come out. :]
A Certain Shade of Melancholy - Rob - 2010-04-12
[color="#000080"] BUMPING FOR RELEVANCE
c [/color]
A Certain Shade of Melancholy - FelixTM - 2010-04-12
"Didn't you ever look at the world upside-down as a kid? Don't you remember that inexplicable feeling of bliss?"
A Certain Shade of Melancholy - Rob - 2010-04-12
[color="#000080"]
FelixTM Wrote:"When are you going to tell me where you're taking me?" I manage to ask in-between steps. Emilia is walking so quick that I'm having trouble keeping up. She still doesn't respond. She hasn't said a word to me since we left the house. I don't even know where we are anymore. I don't think I've walked this deep into the business district before, even though I've always been so close to it. Part of me wants to stop and go back, but the rest of me is far too curious.
Mang, I get that feeling a lot of times. Like, where am I? Why am I even going there? What is the person with me doing? But you can't stop, you have the urge of knowing what's deep inside. Deep inside human curiousity. This rules.
Quote:Emilia's voice. I catch her voice out of the screams. Everything is happening so slowly. It feels like my arm is going to rip off. She wants me to run. My feet unlock, and I run as fast as I know how. There are several people all around us. Others are running too. I look back, hoping to get another glimpse of what's unfolding, but the building is no longer in sight. Emilia isn't slowing down. She's practically dragging me now. I don't know what's happening. Another roar of screams. A vicious cry rips through my body. The ground quakes. My ears burst. My legs falter. Everything is spinning. I see Emilia's wild eyes. Her mouth is moving frantically. What is she saying? I no longer feel her grip on my arm. Are those...tears? Her hand reaches out for me...but I can't take it. Another savage, high-pitched cry slices through me. I can feel my organs lash out in protest, refusing the pain. The world fades around me. I lose sight of Emilia. My body feels like it's going to explode... And then my mind shuts down. Black. All black...
Also, I love when you write this way. Short sentences full of imagery and powerful words. Another writer I'm reading currently has this stream of consciousness-way to write and I love it so much. [/color]
A Certain Shade of Melancholy - FelixTM - 2010-04-12
"I...yeah, I do. But I don't follow."
A Certain Shade of Melancholy - Kurtle - 2010-04-12
Glad to see this back and well, good development of the two of them. Excited to see what happens to Harlow in the next rotation.
A Certain Shade of Melancholy - Throes - 2010-04-15
And the pieces are only beginning to fall into place...
So glad to see this back! I had to reread all the entries because I had forgotten who is who in the story. Hope to see more soon!
A Certain Shade of Melancholy - FelixTM - 2010-04-15
"Haven't you ever wondered what cats are thinking? Haven't you noticed how often they have their heads upside-down?"
A Certain Shade of Melancholy - Rob - 2010-04-15
[color="#000080"] Chapter 8: "Ah, thanks." His cold stare frightens me. These androids aren't humane.
Humane? Intended? [/color]
A Certain Shade of Melancholy - FelixTM - 2010-04-15
Poof (and then there were muffins)!
A Certain Shade of Melancholy - Rob - 2010-04-15
Huge android enterprise conspiracy plot? XD
A Certain Shade of Melancholy - FelixTM - 2010-04-15
"I never thought about that... Are you trying to tell me cats know happiness better than anyone?"
A Certain Shade of Melancholy - FelixTM - 2010-04-16
"No you weirdo. I'm trying to tell you about how adorable cats are."
A Certain Shade of Melancholy - HooKarez - 2010-05-08
Reread everything. So awesome so far.
A Certain Shade of Melancholy - Russt - 2010-05-29
Are the chapters chronological?
A Certain Shade of Melancholy - FelixTM - 2010-05-29
And then they were cats.